Dating Drama: Single is Still the Only Option

I recently read a great blog about how dating is like finding your missing puzzle piece.  Among the many points she makes is “there is no drama.”  Yes, no drama.  This should not be impossible.  But why does it continue to be?

Let me say start off by saying, “Yes, I know many woman are full of drama!”  But men are too!  For me, dating has been nothing BUT drama.  And NOT brought on by my part.  Dating for me has only produced a stream of constant disappointment, headaches, disrespect, and a complete lack of consideration for my time.  This is only a snapshot in a typical week of a single woman.

  1. Sexual harassment is rampant. I previously blogged about a guy I dubbed “The Masturbator” after I heard him jerking off during a phone conversation.  Well, he came back out of the blue with nothing short of filth.  This is just a snapshot and doesn’t even express the complete disrespect and lewdness of his text messages.  I finally blocked him.  (NOTE: his message about “taking one for the team” was referring to the previous incident where I caught him masturbating on the phone).

masturbator

  1. There is no consideration for your time. As a single mother with a professional job, I have a busy schedule.  So I greatly value the free time I do have.  But then there are times that I make time outside of the typical “every other weekend” by getting a babysitter if someone excites me enough to make the effort and pay the $50 for a night out.  Knowing the juggling it takes to free up time on a random Wednesday night, for example, I am not a happy camper when I get blown off an hour before I’m supposed to meet someone.  Recently, in one week alone, I was blown off three separate times in the span of seven days.  This one was particularly disappointing because we had already been out a couple times, and he made the plans.  We had just confirmed that morning, and then I got this two hours before we were supposed to meet.  It’s frustrating.

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  1. You get drama without asking for it. A friend’s ex messaged me on a dating site.  He didn’t realize who I was, but I knew him right away because my friend had dated him for a couple of years.  I sent her a text message just saying you’ll never guess who messaged me and told her.  What was meant to be a “ha ha” moment where the guy says, “Wow, what a small world?” turned into his being mean, rude and classless.  I did not respond, but let my friend handle it instead.

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 It seems so easy for some to find the missing piece to their puzzle.  But for me, my missing piece is buried within one of those 10,000 piece puzzle sets.  It’s frustrating because I am not a complicated person nor do I lead a complicated life.  And as settling will never be an option, I guess single is the only other one available.

Single Crazy Women: How to NOT Deal with Rejection

One thing I am very particular about when dating is to ensure I am never classified as crazy.  Why would a woman lower herself to acting desperate when there are literally hundreds of other guys where he came from?  If he doesn’t like you, fuck it.  It’s his loss.  Nobody likes rejection, and I am no different.  Most of us are mature, and we pick up and move on.  But then there is the case of “Single Women Go Crazy” – when women take rejection to an extreme.

I got a text from a male friend yesterday who was devastated after finding out a girl he had dated a few months back went online and posted his name, pictures, and profile name from an online dating site on a number of “I dated that douche” type websites. The woman had completely attacked him, even so far as saying to bring Viagra because he can’t get it up.  Seriously, how old are we?  That’s like the guy in high school spreading rumors about a girl smelling like fish.

My friend found out because a girl he was talking to had Googled his name and discovered the post (sorry buddy, this is classic).  A couple of other women who he talked to or dated at some point must have found it as well because these women just had a complete bitch fest about him.  My first reaction to him after reading all the posts, “jesus Christ, who did you piss off?”

His gripe was mainly that he has a somewhat public position in his community, but more importantly, he was concerned with his kids seeing it if they ever looked him up online.  For me, the kid thing personally got me.  I couldn’t IMAGINE, and that’s what hit home with me.

To understand, this guy didn’t cheat or do something horrendous.  Some of the remarks (and my commentary) are below:

“He appears to be great until he gets what he wants.”

Commentary:  How is this different from any other guy out there?  I believe it is an innate trait in the male psyche to do this. 

“Every single conversation, he talks about himself and tells you a boring 20 minutes story.”

Commentary: Many people do this – men and women.  Maybe he’s hung up on himself, or maybe he’s just nervous.  If you think he’s a dick, don’t go out with him again.  But don’t post he’s crazy on a half dozen websites because that just makes YOU look crazy.

“He made plans with me six times, and then made up an excuse each time why he couldn’t make it.”

Commentary:  Well, that’s your stupidity!!  It took you SIX times to figure out he wasn’t interested in you.

“He just went on and on about how attractive I was and talked about the future, but never asked me anything about me.”

Commentary:  He is trying to make sure you understand how great he is so you’ll give it up easy.  Hello!! What guy DOESN’T go on and on about how different he is and how he wants a relationship and he’s looking for more than just sex.  Any intelligent woman knows this is your cue to know he is looking for exactly the OPPOSITE of those things.  Duh!!

“He will be totally attentive for a month or so.  Good morning, good night.  He doesn’t miss a beat.  Then when he gets what he wants, he will stop talking to you cold turkey and refuse to answer your calls.”

Commentary:  Um, yeah, this is called BEING A MAN.  Every guy lays it on thick until he either gets what he wants or realizes he isn’t going to get what he wants.  If every woman who gets dumped after a guy has sex with her posted on these sites, EVERY SINGLE MAN IN AMERICA would have his picture on there.

Rejection is not an easy thing.  But it’s no wonder all women get a reputation for being crazy – because of stupidity like this.  I expect teenagers to cause this type of idiotic drama, not grown women in their 30s and 40s who got rejected.  I talk to guys all the time who waste my time for weeks and then disappear or blow me off at the last minute.  You just chalk it up to the nature of the game.  It’s frustrating as hell, but I’m not going to obsess about it and go post his name in a very public forum and bash him.  That just tells people YOU are crazy, not him.  But more importantly, it is just giving another example and more ammunition to the next guy I meet who believes all women are psychotic, and it makes my job harder to prove a cool girl can exist who isn’t going to show up at his house boiling a white bunny in a pot.

fatalattraction

(NOTE: THIS BLOG IS BEING PUBLISHED WITH HIS PERMISSION).

Top 5 Ways Single Men are Like Santa Claus

As the holidays approach, I am still trying to get in to the spirit. I have my two little boys who provide me with some Christmas magic, but I also realize this is Christmas No. 5 that I am single and alone.  Nobody to think of me, nobody to enjoy holiday activities with, nobody to cuddle with by the fire as the snow blankets the ground.  Sounds depressing, but after five years, I’m used to it.  I planned in advance this year, however.  My best single girlfriends and I are all playing that “special someone” for each other and exchanging gifts.

But all this holiday stuff got me thinking about Santa and the joy of Christmas when I was a little girl – and what Christmas is for me today.  The more I thought about it, I realized that single men are a lot like Santa in many ways.  To all you single ladies out there who have been dating for a long time and learned anything about it, after reading this list, you will not be able to disagree.

Here is my top five list of ways single men are like Santa Claus (we’ll refer to Single Guy here as “Joe”):

They are only good for one day and then disappear. Do you even have enough fingers and toes to count the number of guys you have connected with who just suddenly disappear – for absolutely no reason?  You had a great connection with Joe, everything seemed right.  He kissed you, and even went so far as to start planning that second date.  Joe made you have visions of sugar plums dancing in your head.  Then, POOF. Joe just disappears!  Another Houdini come and gone.  Just as fast as Santa dropped his presents and left, Joe literally stops talking to you.  But like Santa, Joe will come back.  Usually sooner than Santa, perhaps in a couple of months.  However, it is possible that Joe may come back in a year wielding that oh so familiar text, “Hey, how have you been?  I’ve been thinking about you.”

You are not the only one on their list.  Just like Santa has millions of little kids to make happy, Joe has several lists to fulfill himself.  He doesn’t know where to begin he has so many to choose from.  Even if Joe likes you, liking just YOU is not enough for him.  He needs to explore a handful of options, and then another handful.  Because despite telling you how wonderful you are in every way, YOU are STILL not good enough. I had a recent date with an amazing guy.  It was there in every way.  According to him, we had a “unique connection”, he felt “comfortable” with me, and even texted me from his subsequent dates to tell me they sucked and he should have went out with me instead.

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While discussing the possibility of getting together for a second date, he disappeared (like Santa).  So I texted him a few days later and asked if I had a disease or something, and he responded by sharing with me the others on his list (YOU CAN’T MAKE THIS UP).

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They say “ho ho ho.” Santa has such a jolly “ho ho ho” – and Joe says it too.  It just has a different meaning.  I watch my male friends as they swipe through Tinder.  With each swipe to the right, they say aloud, “I would sleep with her, I would sleep with her, I would sleep with her.”  With every email and every swipe, Joe is not evaluating you as a potential girlfriend.  Joe is thinking, “Ho, ho, ho. I’m horny.”

You have to keep making up reasons why they are real, and it gets harder and harder to give an answer. My boys are starting to ask me tough questions about Santa’s existence, and it’s slowly getting more difficult to make up reasons why he is real.  I feel the same way about Joe.  I’ve met more Joes in the last five years that have turned into NOTHING despite being led to believe otherwise (see number 2 above).  My sons ask me questions such as, “Mama, how can Santa be at our school and the mall at the same time?”  I ask myself questions like, “How did Joe go from making me believe we had a connection to texting me his ho, ho, ho list?”  I keep making up reasons Santa – and Joe – are real, but frankly, I am running out of answers.

The magical fairy tale exists as a child, but then you grow up and find out he wasn’t real after all. As little girls, we dream of meeting a magical man, having a fairy tale wedding, and living happily ever after.  Very much how we dreamed of Santa leaving us our favorite doll under the Christmas tree.  But then you grow up and realize all the hopeful excitement and magical dreams were nothing more than lies to sell toys and cards and books and movies.  Because just like Santa, a real Joe simply fails to exist.

So I asked Santa to bring me a Joe – oh wait!  Forget it.  Merry Christmas!

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Online Dating Diaries: The Masturbator

What started out as a normal conversation with a guy I met on Tinder recently suddenly turned into heavy breathing.  I asked him why he sounded weird, and then I said, “Oh my God, are you masturbating?”  He giggled and denied it, but then he said he just heard his son get up and hung up abruptly.  What the f*ck?  Who was this guy?  I had to know.   So I put my investigative skills into motion (I am THE BEST), and I found him.  There he was – BIG CORPORATE EXECUTIVE!

So I laughed my way to bed that night as I scratched my head saying, “Well that was a first.”  Of course, I fully expected to never hear from The Masturbator again, but sure as hell the next day, he texted me. WHY ME?  He has been relentless, and I am convinced he is a creep and pervert.  And I swear he is dying to send me a cock shot.

mastur1

I have called him a creep and a weirdo and a pervert.  He is CRAZY, although he has tried to convince me he is normal because he hasn’t sent me a cock shot yet.  I don’t have enough fingers to count the number of times he has asked me out and I have ignored him.

mastur2

But finally, I have decided to meet BIG CORPORATE EXECUTIVE this weekend.  Why I have no idea.  But I am completely intrigued for no logical reason whatsoever.

mastur3