Dating 101: What a Single Guy is Really Saying to You

For every woman who has tried to read between the lines of what a man is trying to tell you, I am going to boil it down for you here.  Men are very simple creatures actually.  But some of you can only understand through brutal honesty so let me try to interpret.

Scenario:  I was introduced to a guy several weeks ago through a friend.  There were a few emails back and forth and then we exchanged numbers.  Simple conversation, and then he asked when we could get together.  Between his schedule and my upcoming vacation, it was hard, but we decided on a Friday night we were both free.  So I told him I would touch base with him in the middle of the week.  I sent him a text message that Wednesday asking him how his week was going and if he was still free on Friday.  Silence…

Now it’s been about three weeks, and he has long been deleted from my phone.  But tonight while at my son’s baseball game, who should appear but Houdini #572.  Here is his text message to me and I am going to translate for you.  MUST BE OVER 18 TO CONTINUE…

I’m sorry I haven’t gotten back to you.  Work has been insane.

Interpretation:  I’ve had other girls I have been banging who are either giving me a headache now thinking I actually wanted to date them or frankly just weren’t that attractive.  But I’ll just blame work because it’s an easy excuse, and well, it just sounds good.  Seeing as I haven’t found a good fuck friend yet, you are my next option.

I’m not sure what I’m looking for right now to be completely honest.  I might just be looking for some sort of friends with benefits type thing as I have no time lately.  Sucks.  😦

Interpretation:  I don’t have time to take you on a real date because I am SO busy.  And frankly, I just don’t want to.  But damn girl, if you want to spread your legs and let me stick my dick inside you, I can MAKE time for THAT.

I didn’t think you were interested in anything like that.  Of course if you are, I definitely find you attractive from what I saw anyway so let me know!

Interpretation:  I’m going to pretend to be a nice guy by making it look like I “know” you’re a nice girl to see how stupid you really are.  Most girls bite on this so let me see if you take the bait. I really don’t care about you or your interests or your life.  I just want to get my cock wet, or at minimum, I’ll even take a blow job.  So what do you say?

If not, if work slows down, I’d be more able to date.

Interpretation:  Listen babe, either you take my offer or I’m moving on.  There’s a plethora of pussy awaiting me.  And if you’re stupid enough to respond, do you really think I’m ever going to date you – or probably anyone – seriously?  I’m awesome, and you should be lucky I even presented you with the opportunity to ride my dick.

Conclusion:  Do I need more proof as to why I stay by myself and keep busy and make myself unavailable?  To anyone who doesn’t understand when I say I don’t give a shit about dating, now you understand why.  No drama, no headaches, no worries, no aggravation.  I would rather go without sex for the rest of my life than be taken for a fool and spread my legs for some douche bag.  I could care less what he looks like.  I am proudly single and sexless – but I’m happy, and that’s all that matters.

dating 101 text

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Dating 101: What a Single Guy is Really Saying to You

    • It’s a choice due to the lack of options. Been doing this A LONG TIME. The options for the majority boil down to exactly what this blog states, “I only have time for you if you want to fuck me.”

  1. I SO SO SO feel your pain. I have a “they all come back” post in my head just begging to be written. One dude has been texting me off and on literally since last October. We haven’t even met. Ah, the hilarity.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s