WARNING: This blog is straight talk from the male point of view. In fact, one of my male BFFs actually provided the name of the title because as he said, he is always “playing it forward and lining up the next one I can fuck.”
Let me start by saying I have several very close male friends who tell me EVERYTHING. If you have ever wanted to really understand TMI, then just listen to any conversation I have with my flock of male friends and you would get it. They asked me to blog about THEM and their experiences so people can understand the male point of view. This is the first in a series on the topic. All names have been changed to protect the not-so innocent.
So my conversation today starts with Eric. He is a 45 year old sales executive, a great father to two kids, and very handsome. He looks much younger than his age.
Eric lied about his age on his dating profile and was going on a date tonight. He wanted to tell the girl his true age and didn’t know how to go about it so he texted me: “I’m going on a date tonight and using you as a scapegoat about my age. I’m telling her you set up my POF profile and you set up the age because you said that I would be eliminated from searches if I put my real age. So that way you’re the liar and I’m not so that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.” Ok…I tell him to just call me.
Age is not a big deal to me. If I’m attracted to someone, then age doesn’t matter. But I did come to realize that most guys under 35 cut their search off at 35. And most guys over 45 start their search at 35 so most of the messages I received were from men over 50. My confidence was starting to plummet as I didn’t understand why all I could get was a Grandpa so I trimmed a few years off my age and got much better results. I did put a disclaimer in my profile about my real age at the end, however. I actually found a lot of people lie about their age for the same reason as me, but hey, if you can, why not.
So anyhow, back to Eric. He called me on my way home from work tonight. When I pick up the phone, he said, “I’m meeting this chic at Strega Steakhouse. Is that expensive?” I said, “Oh yeah, that’s a nice place” to which he responds, “Shit, I have a gold digger on my hands. She better be hot.”
We got into a conversation about why good guys go bad, and that’s when he told me I had to write this blog. So why do they go bad? He said to give a couple case examples from his experience of the last two girls he met online (now remember, this is the cold hard uncensored truth so if you can’t handle it, you might want to stop reading here).
Case 1: 36 year old single professional mother of two little girls. First date: invites him to a friend’s party. She gets completely wasted, and she asks him if he has any friends that would be willing to have a threesome because she is horny. So he calls our mutual friend, Jay, who comes to her apartment. You know what happens. They send me a video clip of it in the morning (they do this often to piss me off).
Case 2: 33 year old single mom of one boy. Works part-time in retail, lives with her parents. Not a great catch, but as he said, she has a “not so great face, but a smoking body.” First date: dinner then meet up with friends to see a live band. Well one drink turns into another and then another. Before he knows it, she is up on the dance floor making out passionately with one of his friends (including whipping his you know what out of his pants and stroking it with a hundred people around). She then texted him the next day and called him a “fucking asshole” for letting his friend “molest” her on the dance floor.
She claimed she had too much to drink and didn’t remember anything that happened and if he was any kind of man, he would have never let his friend treat her that way. He was at my house when she was going off on him and it aggravated me so bad that she tried using the drunk card that I grabbed his phone and sent her a nasty message (as him and with his permission of course). I basically told her she was a dirty slut and to grow up and take responsibility for her actions. She ended up finding his friend that she was making out with on Facebook and having a one-night stand with him.
Wow, some real prizes, I say. And I’m still single, WHY? These same male friends tell me I’m still single because I am harsh and too quick to dismiss guys. They say I need to put out more. As Eric put it to me recently, “You need to find yourself a hot 28 year old. I swear after you fuck the shit out of some young tiger, you are going to feel like king of the world. Your confidence will go up and everything about you, the way you carry yourself, is different. More guys will take notice then. It’s just the way it is dude.” (Note: they often refer to me as dude).
Ok, so let me get this straight. They are encouraging me to become the same way as the girls they refer to as “hump and dumps.” So maybe if I start banging guys in the back of my minivan on the first date, I might end up in a long-term relationship. I need to re-think my approach I guess. SERIOUSLY GUYS???
Part 2 of the debate coming soon…