The scene: a group of single ladies, a good bottle of wine, and an open Tinder app. Nothing good can come from this except trouble. Trust me, I know, and damn is it fun. Let’s clarify upfront that “fun” here is not classified in the traditional Tinder sense of a random hookup while on a business trip, but rather “fun” in let’s mess with a bunch of guys and see how many stupid things we can say to them before they think we are completely crazy or just stop responding.
So we open the app and start scrolling through the bevy of young single men in the area. Note I am about 3,000 miles away from home on business and have not been on. But I found out it doesn’t matter if you aren’t logged in. The GPS tracking will still pick you up in the area and add you to the search bucket (this is so creepy to me). I know this because as we start clicking “LIKE” to a series of 20 and 30-somethings in the area, they come back as a match because they had already selected me (good ego boost anyway).
Now to the game: send a message (as stupid as possible, of course) and then pass the phone around to the next lady who has to use a word from your first message in her next sentence. We take a random hot guy who matched with us and start a conversation. It goes something like this:
Guy: Well hello pretty lady.
Us: It’s raining cats and dogs here. I want to eat apple pie.
Guy: Mmmm, I love apple pie.
Us: Do you know an apple a day keeps the doctor away?
Guy: Lol. That’s what they say.
Us: I went to the doctor the other day because I am all red and itching.
Guy: Oh, are you okay?
Us: I think I am. The doctor gave me some cream for my itching down there and told me to apply it twice a day. I should be able to have sex again real soon.
Ok, so you get the gist of what is happening here. The conversation just continues to get worse, but it’s amazing that no matter what was said, guys would continue to respond! But damn, it was fun. I think I may have found a new hobby.
On a serious note, it’s scary to me that a guy would continue to respond after telling him you are itching in private areas. What do you make of it? What does this say about online dating?
When I see the commercials for Match, eHarmony, and any other dating service, it truly makes me want to throw up because it is such B.S. One in every three relationships begin on Match, they claim. Oh really? Been there, done that…twice. Last year, I paid for a month after listening to my male friend tell me I’d meet more “quality” people on there. What did I meet? A horde of men – most young, handsome and professional – who like most in my experience have no serious intentions. Take the 33 year old NHL referee who toyed with me for two months on the phone and via text until I finally told him to screw. All of a sudden, he wanted to find the time to meet. As he put it, he is cautious of who he dates because of his career and he thinks he’s a “good catch” so he is picky. Well that’s nice, I told him, but I don’t give a crap that you work in the NHL, I don’t play games, and you are F.O.S. so lose my number. He continued to try to call and text me for two weeks after, and all his messages were ignored.
I’m too harsh, all my friends tell me. To which I respond, “Next!” I have no time to waste on people who aren’t serious. This Tinder game, while very fun, hardly gives a single girl any hope that she is going to meet the man of her dreams. I will say that online dating has only been about 90% bad. I have met some amazing people along the way where a connection was not made, but new friendships were forged. For that, I am grateful because it gives me some hope, even if only a faint glimmer of it.
All in all, I will take another bad date over an emotionally abusive narcissist any day of the week. In the meantime, I will stick to my girls, a good bottle of wine and an open Tinder app for entertainment.