She looks in the mirror. A single tear runs down her cheek. “Who are you?” she asks the reflection staring back at her. Dark circles are permanent under her eyes. She wants to sleep, but a peaceful night’s rest has become a rarity these days. Some nights, exhausted to her core, she dozes off only to be awakened in a panic, sweating and her heart pounding. Her face is weathered. She is brutally tired. What is happening to her, she wonders.
Another tear runs down her cheek. She wipes it away. She sees her eyes still have a faint glow of brightness. There is a beautiful spirit still hiding within, and she is on a journey to get it back. He tried to kill it, but she wouldn’t let it die. She fought back. She survived.
This blog series will explore life with a narcissist – the spiral into darkness and the journey back to light – as told to me by one brave woman.
He pursued her relentlessly, wouldn’t take no for an answer in fact. She told him she was not interested, but he continued to message her. He sent his number and challenged her, “Are you scared to talk to me?” She ignored him. But he continued to pursue. She read his online profile over and over. He seemed different than most guys she had talked to – older, mature, confident, and stable. She picked up the phone one night and called him.
She enjoyed her conversation with him, but was unsure of what she wanted. After a string of bad dates, she felt she needed to regroup, take a break. She told him this, but he continued to call and text her every day for two weeks. Sometimes, she didn’t answer or respond, so he became more relentless. She told her friends, “This guy will not leave me alone. He needs to go away.” He was becoming annoying.
So she did just that. “You seem to be a great guy, and I appreciate your interest. But I am not interested in dating anyone right now. I wish you the best of luck.” To her surprise, he picked up the phone and left her an incredibly sweet message. He said, “One date, that is all I ask. If you don’t like me, you can just consider it another bad date.” She had to give him a chance.
She instantly liked him when they met. He was self-assured and walked with his head held high. He made her laugh. He took control, and she liked that. He was a strong man. She was strong, too. She recalled being attracted to his cool demeanor, the way he walked with his arm around her like he was proud, that he referred to her as sweetie. He was so different than the other “boys” she had met.
When she kissed him, it was like electricity running through her body. “He gave me butterflies in my stomach,” she recalled. “I had not felt that way in so long, and it felt good.”
But when they got back to his house, the mood changed. They kissed again, but after she repeatedly declined his offer to go inside, he abruptly turned and walked away from her. She tried to kiss him again, but he said, “I’m only going to kiss you if you come inside.” She laughed as she walked to her car. Playing a little hard to get, she thought.
She liked him. She wanted to see him again. Her spiral into complete and utter darkness was sealed.