We all think we have the greatest friends in the world. But I have to say I truly have many amazing people in my life. Friends who have supported and inspired me throughout the ordeal of single life and joined me as I’ve taken on many new adventures (including this blog). Not a day goes by that I don’t get a note on my Facebook wall from at least one of these amazing women or men about my relationship status. One that was posted today was particularly worth writing about.
Boyfriend rules. Two little girls, ages 6 and 9, wrote their 30 boyfriend rules down. If you haven’t read it, you must. My personal favorite was “not living with parents.” See, even a six year old knows you shouldn’t be living in your parent’s basement. Another great one was “brushes his teeth.” The last guy I dated could have taken a lesson on this one as he kept stealing the toothbrush I’d leave at his house and didn’t understand why that was disgusting. But enough on that one. There are other funny ones, but overall, many are the standard qualities that any normal man or woman should expect – listens, makes you laugh, has a good job, respects you.
I wrote such a list with my best friend not long after my divorce, and before I started into the jungle of the online dating world. It’s driving me crazy because I can’t find it, but I remember some of it. The more humorous qualities were must have hair and teeth, minimal tattoos, not be a man whore, must not have multiple kids with multiple women (I mean really, it’s bad enough dealing with one ex, never mind two or more. Then the child support – you can forget ever doing anything outside the house unless you pay).
The point to all of this is that I realized even as a little girl, we all grow up with these ideals of what we want in a boyfriend, husband, or partner. Qualities that seem so simple, but as any woman trying to date in her middle age knows are nearly impossible to find. Loyalty, honesty, friendship, mutual respect, humor, a little bit of adventure, not expecting that you’re entitled to sex on the first date because you paid for dinner (I’ll buy my own meal, thanks). Is that too much to ask for?
When you walk into a car dealership, you go in there to trade up. You’re not there to trade in a Mercedes for a Kia. We have all settled for less than what we want – and truly deserve – along the way. I did once, and vow never to again. Perhaps we should follow the lead of these little girls and write down our boyfriend rules as a reminder to ourselves that while being single sucks, it is better than being with someone who sucks.